What are we counting down to?
Year and a Day! Wooooooooo!
It's going to be brilliant.
So far we have
Mum and Dad
CharliePaul + Mrs Wife + 2 children
April and Curt + 1 or 2 children
Ru and Fran + 3 children
Rachel, Paul + 2 children
Sue and David
Vicky and Gareth
Carla and Pete + 2 children
Caroline + 2 children and hopefully + Danny
J and I + 2 children
So so far, that's *counting* 21 adults and 16 children. More or less. I think there might be more.
I've emailed I-t-B (much to other people's confusion, but 2 wrongs don't make a right.) but I haven't heard anything.
It's going to be a lovely day. We're meeting at about 1pm, going for a walk, doing what needs to be done, then eating picnic and playing in the adventure playground. I've been thinking about the words I need to say, and the words I want to say, and the faiths involved and it's all sorted in my head.
I wish BG could be here, but there's no way her mother would let her - she didn't even let her come to anything last year, so celebrating and having fun this year would be out, for sure. However, this is what the AC needs, this is what I-t-B denied him, and it will be a day of joy!
I have cried every day this week, and will do up until the day I expect. I can't sleep and I'm living on tea again, but that's ok. On Friday is 52 weeks. On Saturday is the calendar year date. On Sunday, the Year of Firsts is over. After that I will move his things, wrap his sword carefully for the AC later, send the uniform we aren't using up to the air cadets, go through his clothes, and be ready to move onto the next step. I will never stop loving him, and he will never stop loving us, but I can't put my life on hold forever. My son deserves better.
After all, Rich never said he would stay with me forever - he knew he would die early. I know I made his last years the happiest he had ever had, that every part of our life that we controlled was fabulous, that I mitigated the nastiness of the She-Ex as best as I could and encouraged his relationship with BG as much as I could, and that he loves us. What he said, was he would never leave us on our own. He hasn't.