Thursday, April 21, 2011

Lost

I'm feeling very lost this morning.

I am a good parent.  I know I am.  My son has had a traumatic life, and we have managed each and every trauma with calmness and love and he is a gentle and loving child with a world war II obsession  who is polite, well mannered and can be taken anywhere. He has his moments - he is a growing boy child after all! but on the whole, he is adorable.

T-Boy is also adorable.  90% of the time.  The rest of the time, I don't know quite what to do with him.  He's challenging 50% of the time.  He is currently unworkable about 5% of the time.  Mainly it's food.  OR attention.  Or lying.  Or all three.

AC laughed at him yesterday when he lost a game.  They do it to each other all the time - that whole pointing "Ha ha!" type thing.  So T-boy grabbed his arm and hurt him.  So AC walked away. (we were at Church Holiday Club!)  So then T-boy comes up to me "AC won't play with me." SO I investigate. 

AC "I laughed at T-Boy because he lost.  He pulled my arm.  I don't want to play with him."
T-Boy "AC laughed at me a lot, a real lot.  I grabbed his arm.  He ran away from me."

Me "AC, it's not kind to laugh when people lose."
AC "but he was boasting that he was the best at it."
Me "Well, that's not kind to boast, but it is still not kind to laugh when other people are upset."
AC "Ok. Sorry."
Me "T-Boy, it's not kind to physically hurt someone."
T-Boy "I didn't even touch him!"
Me "You told me that you did, he told me that you did."
T-Boy "I never, I never touched him!"
Me "You adn he told me that you grabbed his arm and pulled him."
T-Boy "Oh. Yes.  Well I did."
Me "So now you've lied to me as well, and I'm trying to get to the bottom of this."
T-Boy "I didn't lie! I just said I didn't touch him!"
Me "But you did touch him."
T-Boy "Well.  Yes."
Me "So is telling me that you didn't touch him a lie?"
T-Boy "Well.  Yes. *cue noisy tears* I didn't mean to lie.  I didn't mean to lie."
Me "Sit down over there until you calm down enough to talk to me properly." (as recommended by school!)
T-Boy "I don't want to."
Me "Sit over there, or come home with me now.  I'm not having you tantrum here." (Not the best choice of words, probably!)
T-Boy "You always make me sit down when I cry."
Me "Yes I do.  Off you go."

And then we went for lunch at the chippy, and he didn't eat what he ordered, and then we came home because I was too cross to go to the park (and it was very warm for the AC) and he had a lovely afternoon playing here.

And now I have a whole nother day of it.  And J said "We may as well keep him until Monday as he's not back at school."

I obviously agreed.  It's another day in which to work on our relationship.  Just in time for his real mother to wreck it all again.

I just feel lost with him.  I try so hard, and he throws it all back, every time.  He loves his costume, but apparently I hate him because I ALWAYS get upset with him when he won't eat what he's asked for and when he tells me lies.  Well.  yes.  I do.  I'm not seeing that that would be a surprise to anyone here!

I do love him though.  I find it hard to like him sometimes, but only sometimes, but I do love him.

And his costume looks cool.

2 comments:

Chef Penny said...

Hang in there! God placed you in his life for a reason. You are his source of stability and help. He will settle down eventually. (((hugs))))

Caroline said...

This maybe won't be any sort of solution at all, but a friend of mine who has a similar step-child/own child type problem, tries to get them to talk through problems between themselves when they arise, and she acts as a sort of mediator. She has had some success with it, maybe worth a try?