Monday, April 18, 2011

Ex's for a reason.....




Three holes in a row........

Yesterday J and I had our usual T-boy is here and you're stressed because you've just seen his mother argument.  It's never about anything much.  It's just that she's upset him through the fact she exists and is a constant reminder of her unfaithfulness and the way she took his son away to live hundreds of miles away. (Hmmm.  Seeing a pattern here folks?)  Anyway.  Yesterday she surpassed herself.

T-Boy is about a year behind in most of his academic subjects.  That's fine, it's nothing that can't be dealt with with enough work from him and all of us.  J asked his mother to bring his reading book and any homework.  Most of the single mums I know are forever moaning that the father isn't interested in education and so on, so we both thought she'd be fine with this.  Nope.  Just a long round of expletives, in the car park, like a harridan.  Because he asked for the book to read with his son.  In the end I actually spoke up and said "He is a year behind, he needs to read every day."  and told J we would get books from school.

Apparently only she and J are to talk about their son's education, so the ensuing text barrage began.

Here's the thing.

I spent 5 years with Lori as the She-Ex.  She progressively tried to split Rich and I up by being horrendously rude to me, and then getting on the phone to him and "crying" and saying *I'd* upset *her*.  However, Rich was used to her by then, and after a couple of initial discussions where I had to prove to him by looking at the emails, what she'd said, he saw what she was doing, and we used to laugh at it together.  There were times though, when I had to practically pretend I didn't exist, in order for him to get photographs and so on of his daughter.  Now I'm faced with the same thing again.

What gets me is that....... there's not point in this.  The He-Ex, AC's Dad, has a girlfriend.  Her name is N.  Do I pretend she doesn't exist?  He's had about 5 since we split up, and AC has met them all. He is slightly confused as to why Daddy keeps changing them, but I've told him that some relationships just come to an end, and people find other people who make them happy.  I've never pretended any of them don't exist.  They are welcome to come with him to the house to pick AC up or bring him back.  I would help AC make birthday cards etc if that's what he wanted to do.  He's taken cake and so on over to the previous gf house.  N has sent eggs from her chickens back with AC.  I have no jealousy issues.  He left me years ago, for reasons of his own.  It's not N's fault.

The She-Ex had Rich thrown out on trumped up charges of domestic abuse.  He then refused to go back if that was how she was going to be - after all, as he said, who knew what she would claim next?  Some women just aren't cut out to be military wives.  That's ok. None of that was my fault.

T-boy's mother left J because she was having an affair.  Some women aren't cut out to be military wives.  I thought I wasn't, but I was strong enough after all.  However, her affair ended, and now she's moved.  We didn't even know each other when they split up.  None of this is my fault.

So why make it complicated?  Why make it such an issue?  I wanted to say "I'm a teacher. This is my job.  I do this all day. I can help your child catch up.  Do you know how much a weeks private tutition could cost you?  £35 an hour? IF the AC was in this position I would jump at the chance!"

Why do people let their personal feelings get in the way of the best thing for their child?  Children come first.  All the time.  End of.

It is the sheer instransigence of these women that amazes and horrifies me.  I bet if the house was on fire and she was outside with a broken back she wouldn't let me go in and get the child.  Either of them! 

In other news, I have a thousand tonnes of work to do, I have the little toilet to clear, and we might have found a tree surgeon.  Although I still can't spell surgeon first time.  I keep putting a u before the n. 

Next weeks lessons are ready to be planned.  Oh joy lol!
I still have 5 log activities to be done before last Friday. Yes. LAST Friday.
Washing needs catching up on.

1 comment:

Tempewytch said...

Ouch, I am lucky I have never been in that situation, stay strong hun!