And it's again with the break.
I don't understand my relationship with the blogging world at the moment. I am connecting more with real life I suppose, and the awareness of who I am, of what I want, of where I see myself in 5 years, all of that is changing.
The rug-pulling post is, I suppose, my starting point. That change in who I am, of a mother of many-who-are-small-and-growing to a mother of one-who-is-big-nearly has rocked my world in a massive way. In many ways, it is distressing and emotionally traumatic to think that that side of my life is over, and that those dreams are gone. It is almost like a bereavement, of a grieving for those who I never knew.
In other ways, it is almost liberating to have a blankness where those dreams were, to now think "What shall I put there?" Almost like when we were little and grownups said "What do you want to be when you grow up?" and we didn't know what to answer because the world was the mollusc of our choice - we weren't even resticted to oysters!
So I'm typing in my kitchen, listening to the dishwasher, and to BBC iplayer, and to the washing machine, and I'm thinking "Who am I? Who do I want to be? Where do I want to go? What do I want to do?"
Except work in the sewers. I've never wanted to do that. Too much underground.