Friday, February 27, 2009

A not so good night

I would hesitate to say a bad night - there are mothers out there with new babies who had far worse ones than me - but by my standards, it was a bad night. I sleep on the side that has the problem, so I had to sleep on my back, which was fine, it didn't hurt, right up to the point where I kept trying to roll over onto the bad side. In the end, R kind of pinned me down with his leg to stop me doing it. Several benefits there ;-) Necessity ended up being the mother of invention and I slept much better after that!

I feel there is a long day ahead. Loooooooooooooong day. But with plenty of work to do. The highlight of today will be the phonecall to BG tonight, which didn't happen on Wednesday, although we phoned there 3 or 4 times. Times like that I have to work hard to remember that the She-Ex is indeed a nice person. And she is, a very nice person. I have always been quite fond of her, very fond of the BG, and I do wish it could all have worked out another way. I have no bad feelings towards her though, which is nice for me! I don't think it's nice for her, but it's certainly easier for me. We were quite friendly on the net for a while, which was fine and quite enjoyable, but every now and again she gets ansty and swears and then I just don't like talking to that person in her, so I don't. TBH, she is the way she is, I am the way I am, and I don't have to make room in my life for the person that she turns into. I like the other person in her a lot. But there we go. I stopped doing anything for her a while ago, and so if it means the child support is late, it's late. She has a really good job now, so doesn't really need it, and after all the times when I busted a gut to get it done and get it to her when she did need it with barely a thankyou, I thought "Sod it!" It gets done when R has chance to do it now. I still do the other blog for the BG, and one day she'll sit with us and see it all I hope and then she'll know that we never forgot her, never walked away, never just ignored her, and always, always kept her informed and loved her. I sent her the pictures last night of Daddy getting his medal. I hope she sees them. And if not now, then later in her life, it'll be ok :-)

Sad now. I always end up thinking about the BG when I'm tired or down. It's not about the She-Ex, it's about the BG, same as we aren't about us, we're about the AC. I have a very good relationship with the AC's father, which I nurtured and grew because I didn't want this animosity for the AC to grow up in. I want him to come to conclusions about his father because that's what *he* thinks, not because that's what I want him to think. And so far, he wants to change his name when he is bigger to the same as R's surname! I'd never even thought about it, but obviously he has! Bless him. Having said that, currently he wants to be R. They are always together doing something and the look on the AC's face when R told him off the other day was heartbreaking. Obviously R finished up with positive statements, which rebuilt the AC's self esteem, and let him know he was still loved, but the AC threw his arms around him a bit later on, just randomly, just to be sure!

But I'll get over the sadness - I always do! A short trip around the blogosphere should do the trick! And then to school for a full day of teaching, and then we're done for the weekend, which will be mainly marking ready for parents evening. YAY! (not!)

No comments: