I went up last night with the intention of blogging from the warmth of my bed. But then R phoned, and so I chatted to him and almost went to sleep on the phone so I turned everything off and went to sleep about 2230.
Actually I had turned the light off before that, and I was just lying in bed, listening to his voice. I love his voice. It is so warm and loving and has never had an angry word that has been directed at me. Even when he's angry at one of the Ex's, or at work, or at life, he's never angry at me, and he makes sure I know it. He'll tell me flat out, "It's not you my darling, it's x or y or z!" and I appreciate that. I was lyingin the dark, listening to him, and it was as though he was there (if you discount the cold bed and the crackly line and so on!) and when he said "Goodnight my love." like he always does before we go to sleep, I almost cried. But I didn't, for I am a strong independent woman blah blah blah. I am, but I also love my man to the ends of the Earth, and his place is by my side, just as mine is by his. He always says "Goodnight my love" even when he thinks I'm asleep.
We often curl up together in the dark and talk. I want to talk to him tonight like that, so badly, but I can wait. That's life in the blue suit as they say. I want to feel his reassuring touch on my body, feel his arms enfold me as he holds me and protects me from the world. Today, I feel small, and vulnerable, and sad. Today I want him by me, to shelter me the way I shelter him, to be that barrier between me and the stupidness of the world, in the way we do for each other and for the AC.
Not today though chaps. Not until at least tomorrow, hopefully.
As you can tell Dear Reader, I'm missing R like mad.
I'm off for a shower before one of us is sick.