Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Heroes - Theme for June

I know it's July, but I missed the theme for June, so I'm going to write a quick one.

The theme for June was Heroes.

What I love about NaBloMoPo is that the themes are so ambiguous. HTis could be a "Who are your heroes?" or a "What are the characteristics of a hero?"

I'm going to start with something from my old MySpace page though, which has a section for Heroes on it.

"Dictionary Definition A person noted for feats of courage or nobility of purpose, especially one who has risked or sacrificed his or her life: soldiers and nurses who were heroes in an unpopular war.

I don't hero worship anyone, because then when they do fail, as everyone does because everyone is human, the sense of disaster is greater and more painful. That's what goes wrong in so many relationships, whether friendships, marriages or whatever. People on a pedestal fall off. It's not fair on them or anyone to put them on it. Unreasonable expectations create unreasonable situations."

That about sums up the situation for me. Everyone is human, everyone fails eventually, but the point about how you feel about them is what you do about it.

When a child is learning to walk, and falls, we don't give up on them being able to walk one day. We expect them to be able to walk, because we know they can walk, they just have to work it out.

When a person is unkind, I don't give up on them being nice one day, I know they can be nice, I just have to wait for them to work it out. I have expectations of them being nice. R says I expect too much niceness from people, but I say if you expect nastiness, then that's what you get. Self-fulfilling prophecy stuff.

So heroes.

Some of the small children I see are heroes, because they don't give up on their tasks, no matter how hard they find them. N will never stop trying to read, regardless of the depth of his dyslexia, and because of that attitude, because his mum works so hard and believes in him, he's getting there. M ran the Sports Day race yesterday, even though he has hydrocephalus, even though he has cerebal palsy, even though he can't focus his eyes properly, he ran, and the children cheered and clapped him. C keeps going, keeps being nice, even though her homelife is a nightmare and her family is falling apart, she keeps on smiling at the others. She might cry on me sometimes, but she smiles at the others.

We're going up to Freedom of the Borough Parade today. Last year when we went, I cried the silent tears of the waiting woman, and my children knew why. They knew I waited for the other half of me to come home from danger. Now, having talked, I know what he did, I know what he had to do, and I know he'll go again when the time comes, because he already went again later last year. Those men and women on that Parade ground today will be heroes. They will have been soldiers in an unpopular war, they will have been in danger, or going to be. And none of them will run away from it.

For me, hero-ness is not about control, is not about power, it's about doing what you have to do, regardless of the personal complications and consequences. So many mothers are heroes every day, as they sacrifice personal happiness for the children and the family situation. Usually, it's only little things, like the Persil advert says "A mother is someone who saves for a new hat, then spends her money on a cricket bat." Sometimes it's bigger things, like doing a job you hate just so that the money keeps coming in and you can support the family. Sometimes it's bigger than that, like putting off a career, or a personal goal, so that you can help the child be settled, balanced, achieve. Sometimes it's huge things, like kidney matching and donating.

It's about doing the best thing for the child, regardless. Millions of mums, dads and grandparents are heroes every day in that respect.

I will write more about this later - I have to remember to leave for school at the right time today!

1 comment:

Sandy said...

I always do NaNoWriMo, I'll have to check out NaBloMoPo. Never heard of it!