Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Loving her to death....

..... ok, not death. But silence will do, and that's what I've got.

Yesterday, the She-Ex emailed me to tell me she'd bought the book. "The book" is the Learn to Read in 100 lessons type book, that she has been on about getting because the BG, according to her, "cannot read". (She can, she's just quite behind)

Anyway, randomly, and in an utter "picking an argument" kind of way, she emailed me this over sarcastic message last night, that she had the book, it had taken Sunday to now to read the first half, and it was good because whilst BG didn't need the first half of the book because she can already do those bits (hurrah for the realisation!) it was helping her mother to sound out what she needed to help her child read.

I replied that I was glad. If the She-Ex needed a book to help with that, then cool, glad she had the book she wanted, glad it would help, if it was going to give her more confidence in reading with the child then great. I said it would be easier than her letting us know how BG was getting on (we've had 1 spelling sheet since school broke up in the US and nothing really about her reading, despite the assurances that there would be, but then it's been almost a month since there were any pictures - not even a new picture of BG for Fathers day!) and basically I tried to be positive and enthusiastic about the book.

The book which I think is so *not* the right way for BG, and is an utter cop-out. But hey, different things work for different people, right? Right.

What I got back was rudeness and an accusation of stabbing her in the back with knives, or some such rubbish. Oh, and told I ruin everything.

Now, after the day I'd had, and the mood I was in, I had to work quite hard to send a positive and enthusiastic email to someone who has basically taken the work I've done for her and BG and thrown it right in my face with a whole load of "Too much like making an effort" attitude. The chances of her getting a second positive and enthusiastic email, that demonstrated understanding of her apparently fragile emotional state were slim. I can be, at times, quite a wordsmith, building pictures or attacks with words if I choose. It is always best to read my words literally, because rarely, so rarely, is there anything extra than what I mean, and after the flagrant abuse she gave R on Sunday for the crime of now being happy as he can be after *her* behaviours 4 years ago, I was itching to throw one.

But what would that achieve? Nothing. More animosity, more anger, more of what she wants, which seems to be an outlet for her pain and frustration at the fact that we are happy with each other and as she sees it "Apart from R not having BG, our lives are pretty damn spiffy" (still no apology for that one, and there was an enhancement on Sunday, but it's not my email, so I won't comment too much!) So I calmed my fingers, and typed a nice email that still got my point across I hope, but wasn't abusive. It did say that if she wanted to point score go ahead and win and have a trophy because it wasn't a game I played, which could have been worded better, but it needed to be basic so that she got the point I was making, which is simply this.

I don't care how BG learns to read, I just love her and want her to be able to read and have choices when she's bigger. (I told her teacher that at the end of school) Limited levels of literacy limit lives. She deserves a better life than her mother, with wider job choices and prospects that only come with college. Don't we all want our children to have a better life than ours? Don't we all want our children to be able to read and write and calculate?

Anyway, I was dreading opening the email to the torrent of abuse that has been there in recent weeks randomly, but this morning there was nothing. So either she took the message about point scoring, or she realised I wasn't being antagonistic and she was being paranoid again, or whatever, tbh, I don't care, but there was nothing nasty. On the other hand, there was nothing for R either, as BG's father, which kind of just reinforces the point for me that she was originally just looking for a row.

"Kindness is the oil that takes the friction out of life.” No idea who said that, but it's working for me today!

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