Sunday, February 28, 2010

Another bout.....

Yesterday evening, late, turned into another one of these sessions. With a bit of this in it.

It wasn't pretty.  It was tearful and snotty and really quite awful!  Saturday nights are, as I've said before, one of the worst times, because they were so us.  Everyone went, and we stayed in our house, doing our stuff.  Going to bed.  Having silent but giggly sex. Drinking tea.  Going to bed far too late knowing I had to be up early.

More and more, it's all of it I miss.  I miss him being here, but I miss the everything, the little things.  There are things in the house now that he has never seen in person.  He's never met Kevin, never used the Russell Hobbs thingy, never used my iPod.

It's normal, natural and so on, but it's not right.  I was asked out again yesterday, which was lovely, but the person concerned accepts that now is not the right time.  It's still flattering to be asked though.

What else has happened?

I decided to take pictures of some of the things I've eaten in the last couple of days, to allay any fears that I am not eating enough.  Or properly.


Scrambled eggs with parma ham, 3 kinds of salami, and fresh organic cherry tomatoes. And the ever present cup of tea.


Tomato and basil soup with homemade bread, and cream cheese dollops. I'm sure there is a proper phrase.  I just don't know it.  Dollops is fine.

I also shook some of the funk by walking into town yesterday and purchasing a pattern, wool, and needles (as I have 7's but no 8's.)


Eventually it will be a scarf.  It was a useful way of gently nudging my brain back into gear several times yesterday, although mistakes were made so because it knits up really fast, I've actually pulled it and started again.  More pictures later.  But it's only a 6line pattern....

For the person who emailed me, this is the AC's memory box.  He loves it, cherishes it, and was proud to take it into school to show. 

I won't go into everything in it, but this is the inside.  It's all things that AC feels are important for him to have to remember Rich.  There are photos, a t-shirt that still smells of oil and diesel, and his wallets and other random things that AC values.  He decides what goes in it, and I'll ask him if I can share with the world one day, but not today.  He took it into school, and went through it with his bereavement group.  They were over an hour going through it, he told stories about Rich, it led one of the boys to share things about his mother, and AC was sad to find other people don't have memory boxes for their person.  We talked about it though, and he's ok now.  Talk is the answer for everything in this house.  Talk and jaffa cakes.

And this is not my kitchen.  My kitchen looks like this, but is green.  I'll photo it later.
AS you can tell, I'm going to try and make photos a bigger part of this blog, because I need to look back and see how good things were, or bad, and how they are better now.  That'll be good for the AC and I.


Speaking of which - here we are!  This was taken in half term, and was at Pizza Hut with Caroline and the twins.
Time to do the notices.  Laters peoples!


Caroline said...

Loving your work as always. *hugs* for you and Sam. We're missing the both of you lots and every time we HAVE to watch Phinus and Ferb i have to smile. xx

sarah said...

I can imagine how hard it must be, all that you have lost. I think you are dealing with an awful situation in a really good way. I love the memory box.