We had staff meeting, and then the AC and I came home, made spag bol, J was home for tea about 6, and everything was just seriously normal. Just normal. We watched some tv, and the AC went to bed after snuggling both of us goodnight.
I emailed a couple of people to let them know about J last night, and we've changed our mutual relationship status' on FB. I didn't know what the reaction would be, and I wanted not to care, but, Dear Reader, you know me..... However, so far I have 11 comments - all good. I have 16 likes on the status change. I have comments on here, and to my face that tell me that this is a good thing, that the world approves. J was concerned because he worked with Rich, and work can be funny about things like that. Not one negative comment. Just a small chat from the Chief to make sure that his intentions were honourable as I had been through enough. (Bless him, he's lovely - but I am a big girl....)
I've been told how nice it is to see my smile dance in my eyes again, to hear my singing in the corridor, to see the enthusiasm back in my job. To see me, back to normal. The world that cherished me through the pain, is now loving me through the recovery. It knows that the AC and I miss Rich, J misses him too. We talk about him, he is part of our lives, even in the birth of a new relationship, in the birth of hope and a future.
Last year, today, I wrote this.
I went to bed after posting, he came up a bit later, and I was asleep, but woke up enough to feel him climb in next to me, wrap himself around me, and whisper how much he loved me in my ear. And I was warm, and loved, and the world became a nicer place.
Other fantabulous things that happened yesterday were that the She-Ex phoned here because they were going out for Mothers Day, and R and BG had a good conversation. I had asked her to let us know what was going on with the call and so on, but she didn't/couldn't so I was kneeling on the table with my hand down the back of the computer helping R feed the cables up! I just stayed there whilst he chatted, and then he finished talking to BG and put the phone down. It went again, he answered it, and then gave the phone to me, and BG said "Happy Mothers Day S" and I was so blessed by that! And she said she loves me.
There was more, and it's made me realise how lucky the AC and I are to have another chance at loving, and at family. How much I did need to take a chance and put my pride aside to open up to someone else - children need a father figure, need a man around. It also made me realise how much nicer life is without the She-Ex in my life. I miss BG, I think about her daily, wondering what she's up to, how she's doing, but it was completely made clear that she was Rich's child, and the AC was nothing to do with him, and so that's the way it is. One day I will find her and tell her how her father died, how everyone behaved, how things were just before he died, because she needs to know. But right now she's just an 8 year old with a medal in the house that her mother and she didn't earn, but that wasn't her fault. She was only 6 then.
Right, I have to shake myself and get on, secure in the knowledge that I am loved and cherished.
I guess being loved is my normal.
Normal is good.